Showing posts with label BDSM. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BDSM. Show all posts

Friday, April 4, 2014

EXCERPT: Guarded

Title: Guarded
Author: Cat Grant, L.A. Witt
Format: ebook, paperback

Excerpt:


Jordan

It all started the night that cabbie dropped us off at the wrong fucking bar. I could’ve sworn Jase, our new security guy, told the driver to take us to Britt’s, but instead we ended up in front of a dive called Blake’s that had a line trailing out the door and dance music blaring so loud the sidewalk vibrated. The half-assed headache over my right eye started throbbing to the same fucking beat.

Awesome.

Jase ran after the cab, but the driver was already speeding away with our money, including a healthy tip for driving us here from the stadium. “Fuck,” Jase muttered, pulling out his phone. “Sorry, Jordan. Hang tight and I’ll call us another cab, okay?”

Curious glances flicked in our direction. I yanked up the hood on my jacket and hunched down, hands in my pockets. I was pretty good at making myself inconspicuous, but Jase should’ve known better than to call me by name in public. All I wanted was a quiet drink in a place where no one would bother me, not another fucking mob screaming, “Oh my God, it’s Jordan Kane!”

“Let’s go back to the hotel,” Daniel said. “You can get a drink there.”

From the wet bar in my suite, where I’d been cooped up for the past day and a half. Cabin fever hit hard on long tours, going from the bus to another nondescript hotel, from there to the venue, then back on the bus again. Was getting out for some fresh air like a regular human being too fucking much to ask?

I shifted from foot to foot, my Nikes crunching on damp pavement, adrenaline still buzzing in my veins. We’d had a great show tonight, amazing energy from a sold out house, but as usual, it took me a while to wind down. If we went back to the hotel now, I’d drink myself into a stupor and have to be poured into the bus tomorrow morning.

Milo hovered at my elbow, a bald, burly wall of reassurance. He leaned in close as I whispered, “Go see what’s taking Jase so long.”

“So you’re not talking to me?” Daniel said, propping himself against a street sign while he lit up. My breath froze, until I saw it was a Marlboro. “Still pissed about the other night?”

Same argument, different day. But after what happened in Austin, no way was I letting him out of my sight. “Not now,” I snapped as Milo and Jase walked back up.

“The quickest we can get a cab down here’s about forty-five minutes,” Jase said. His Adam’s apple bobbed. Jesus, did he think I was going to fire him on the spot?

“How far is it to Britt’s on foot?” I asked.

Jase punched a few buttons on his phone. “Um, about five and a half miles.”

Fuck. I eyeballed the dive’s front door. At least there wasn’t much of a line anymore. “Let’s go grab a beer while we wait.”

Daniel stamped out his smoke with a snort and headed for the door. I gave Milo the usual “keep your eye on him” look and followed, Jase bringing up the rear. The bouncer waved us through without so much as a second look.

The place was jam-packed, the bass-heavy sound system shaking the walls. Six deep around the bar, and not a single fucking table free. A sign over a door on the far side of the room read, “Patio.”

“Get me a pint of whatever they’ve got on draft and meet me outside,” I shouted into Jase’s ear, then started pushing through the crowd.

The patio was pretty crowded too, but thankfully the music wasn’t so loud out here. Only a handful of postage stamp sized tables, all occupied. I ventured to the edge of the patio—well, okay, more like the lip of the parking lot—fished in my pocket for a smoke, then tilted my head back to look at the sky. Dark, velvety blue dotted with tiny lights. We’d played an outdoor theater tonight, but the stage kliegs were so bright I couldn’t see past the first few rows. How many cities had we blitzed through these last few weeks, stopping just long enough to play a show or two? No time to relax and enjoy beautiful nights like this. Hell, no time to relax, period.

I’d just stamped out my butt when I saw Jase making his way over to me. “Sorry it took so long,” he said, handing me one of the pint glasses he was holding.

“Thanks.” I took a swig, glancing up at the sky again. The heavy beat in my pulse was slowing, post-show drop setting in.

“Want me to leave you alone?” Jase said. “Milo told me to give you your space, so I can go stand over there—”

“You’re fine where you are.” I flicked a glance at him. He still looked jittery as hell. “I’m not gonna fire you over the cab thing, okay? It’s not your fault the guy was an asshole.”

“Oh. Thanks.” The nervous glint in his eyes didn’t fade, though. What else did I expect? He’d only been with the tour a few weeks. I could just imagine the stories the crew had told him about me.

We drank our beers in silence, trading furtive glances. I’d noticed him looking at me like that before, but I didn’t think it meant—well, what else could it mean? Sure, he wanted me. Everybody did, until they found out what wanting me entailed, then they couldn’t run for the fucking door fast enough.

At last my glass was empty. “Want another?” Jase asked.

I shook my head and handed him my glass. “I’m good.” I’d drunk it fast, and now that sweet liquid-warm buzz started creeping through me. One beer, so it wouldn’t last long—just long enough, hopefully, to get back to the hotel and collapse.

If I didn’t end up collapsing right here. Leaning against the concrete wall, I let my eyes drift shut. Shit. I was more tired than I thought. One drink didn’t normally affect me like this.

Jase’s hand landed tentatively on my shoulder. It felt good—warm and strong, with just enough of a grip to set things stirring below my belt. Fuck. Not here. I hastily zipped up my hoodie.

“You okay?” he whispered.

Where’d that sexy rumble in his voice come from? “Fine. Just give me a minute.” I blinked hard, trying to banish the ghosts from the flickering fluorescent lamp overhead. No one out here was paying us any attention, except this one guy squinting at me from a few feet away.

He started toward us, until Jase pulled a pack of smokes from his pocket and offered me one. He leaned in as we both lit up, close enough feel the warm puff of his breath over my skin—God, was he doing that on purpose?—subtly but effectively putting himself between me and Mr. Curious. I peered over Jase’s broad shoulder as the guy halted in his tracks, his expression morphing from, “Is that really…?” to “Nah, can’t be.”

I exhaled a long breath that wasn’t all smoke. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” His lush lips quirked up in a shaky smile. “That’s what you pay me for, right?”

I’d never seen him this close before. Looked about thirty, though from a distance he could pass for younger—a few years past pretty either way. Something behind those clear green eyes told me he’d seen a lot—hardly a shocker. Nobody stayed innocent very long in this business.

That gaze sent a hot flush creeping up the back of my neck. Time to get this convo back on a more professional footing. “You getting along okay?”

“Um, yeah.” Why was it so hard to look me in the eye? He’d never had trouble before. ‘Course, he’d never flirted with me like this before either. “Milo’s showing me the ropes.”

“This your first tour?”

“As part of a road crew? Yeah.” He zipped up his jacket. “I did a couple of regional tours with my old band.”

Which didn’t surprise me either. Most roadies were musicians too. In fact, pretty much all the good ones were. “What happened?”

“Same old song—we broke up, I needed a job, so... here I am.”

“Well, welcome aboard.” Weird thing to say after all this time, but I tried to keep the crew at arm’s length. Sure, they all signed confidentiality agreements, but that didn’t stop a couple of slackers I’d shit-canned from spilling stuff to the tabloids. Compared to them, Jase was a dream employee. He showed up on time, never complained about the crazy hours or balked at anything I asked him to do. He kept the nutjobs away, brought me food when I was starving backstage before a show, and made sure I had quiet time when I needed it.

I’d been in this business so long, I could tell within thirty seconds if someone was trying to play me. Jase didn’t give me that kind of vibe. He’d never hit me up for any special favors—or hell, even for time off.

I sucked down another lungful of smoke, then, “What was the name of your band?”

“Oh, um…” His face went red. “You’ve never heard of us.”

“Try me. I listen to a lot of stuff.”

“Ever heard ‘Day of the Dead’ by Flogging for Coffee?”

“Holy shit, that was you?” I’d downloaded their EP a while ago, on one of those long nights in the back of the bus when my brain wouldn’t shut up. “Impressive debut, man. Why’d you guys break up?”

“Our bass player’s girlfriend got pregnant, and he didn’t want to leave her to go back on tour. And there was some... well, bad blood between me and the drummer.” He shrugged, fidgeted. “The usual stuff, I guess.”

“That’s a fucking shame. I liked your sound.” Sort of punk, sort of metal, with a dash of alternative. Sort of what we sounded like back in the day. “You record it yourselves?”

The shrill buzz of his phone cut in before he could answer. “H’lo? Okay, we’ll be there in a minute.” He hung up. “Cab’s here. I’ll text Milo to meet us up front.”

Jase walked ahead of me, elbowing our way through the crowd. I looked around for Milo and Daniel once we got inside, but I didn’t see them. I almost lost Jase when some half-drunk asshole lurched between us. Jase shoved the guy away, then offered me his arm.

Warm, solid muscles bunched and flexed under my fingers. I didn’t want to let go, even after we’d exited the club. The cab was waiting at the curb, but still no sign of Milo or Daniel.

Jase checked his phone. “Milo hasn’t texted me back. Get in the cab. I’ll go find them.”

“Jase, don’t—” Too late. He’d already dashed back in. And here came that familiar old knot of anxiety twisting in my gut. I hated having to go out in public with bodyguards. Wasn’t so long ago—four, five years—when I could walk down the street without getting mobbed. Now one lousy drink in a public place required more planning than storming fucking Omaha Beach.

Leaning against the cab, I lit up another cigarette. The bouncer started eyeing me, so I turned around. I’d just inhaled my second puff when this wave of sound rose up behind me, a roar of voices that nearly drowned out the thump-thump of the shitty dance music—

And Milo, Jase and Daniel burst through the door like it’d spat them out, a flood of people on their heels.

“Get in! Get in!” Milo screamed, shoving me and Daniel into the backseat. He and Jase piled in behind us. “Hit the gas!”

Didn’t need to tell the cabbie twice—he punched it so hard he flung us against the seat cushions. The mob shrank in the view from the rear window, but that didn’t stop my heart from thrashing in my chest.

“Th-the fuck?” My gaze flicked from Daniel to Milo. “What happened?”

“Mr. Wonderful here started chatting up some girl, and she recognized him.” Milo scowled, wiping at a cut on his forehead. He had a red mark on his cheekbone that’d be a gorgeous shiner by tomorrow. “She told her friends, and they told everyone else.”

And from Daniel’s smug expression, he’d no doubt done it just to fuck with me. I stared out the window, watching flat concrete and a parade of high rises zip by, fists curling and uncurling in my lap. Not in front of the cabbie. Last thing you need is for this to show up in the papers.

The driver dropped us off at our hotel’s back entrance. Milo paid the guy and we headed inside. The elevator doors slid open the second I touched the call button. I waited until it started moving, then I hit “stop” and shoved Daniel against the wall. “What the hell did you think you were doing back there? You nearly started a fucking riot!”

“Aw, c’mon, I was just trying to have some fun. You remember what that’s like, huh?” His jittery, bloodshot gaze locked on Milo and Jase, like he was expecting them to come to his rescue. “Can we go upstairs? I’m fucking tired.”

I didn’t smell booze on his breath, and for a change he seemed fairly lucid. But from the way he was shaking—and sweating like he’d just run a fucking marathon—he had to be high on something. God, not meth again. Anything but that.

I hit the “start” button, my heart dropping down the fucking elevator shaft. I couldn’t face this, not tonight. Couldn’t entertain the prospect of another tour cut short because Daniel needed to go back to rehab. The thought simply wouldn’t fit in my mind.

We had the entire top floor to ourselves, two suites on opposite sides of the hallway. Daniel opened his door and disappeared inside. Milo shot me a “What d’you want me to do?” look.

“Don’t let him out of your sight,” I said. “Sit on him if you have to.”

A familiar resigned sigh. “Whatever you say, boss.” Milo nodded at me and Jase and went inside, the door clicking shut behind him.

Which left me standing here so fucking exhausted I wasn’t sure I could make the two lousy steps to my own suite.

Jase’s hand slid under my elbow. “Give me your card.” I wrestled it out of my pocket and handed it over. Jase unlocked the door, letting it swing open. “There you go.”

“Thanks.” I stepped inside, glancing around the living room. Comfortable—elegantly so, in fact—but nondescript. I’d spent too many long, lonely nights on tour in rooms like this, waking up the next morning with no fucking clue what city I was in. I didn’t usually invite employees inside... well, except when I did. Sometimes the nights got too long and lonely. Too quiet. “I’m gonna have another drink. Care to join me?”

I could see the wheels turning in his head. Say yes, and confirm the reason he still couldn’t meet my gaze? Or refuse, and risk offending the boss?

“Um, yeah,” he said finally. “Thanks.”

I went over to the bar and poured us single Scotches while Jase ventured into the living room. He shoved his hands in his pockets, eyeballing the cream-colored couch like he was afraid he’d get something on it.

“Sit wherever you want,” I said, handing him his drink. I waited for him to choose a spot, then sank down close enough to him to touch if we wanted to, but far enough that he hopefully wouldn’t feel like I was trying to crowd him. “So,” I went on, picking up on our previous conversation, “did you record that EP yourselves?”

He chuckled. “Kinda obvious from the shitty sound quality, huh?”

“You should’ve heard our early demos. Sounded like we recorded ‘em in a fucking bathroom.”

“But you graduated to a world-class studio after you signed with Millennium Records.” He gave a rueful shake of his head. “No one in their right mind would’ve ever signed us.”

“You’re lucky. Wish I had a time machine so I could go back five years and un-sign our contract.”

“I thought everybody in this business wanted a record deal.”

That’s what I’d wanted too, before I knew better. “If you don’t mind letting the corporate overlords rob you blind, have at it. I’d rather make music.”

“Is that why you’re always touring?”

“Aside from the money issue, yeah. Nothing like getting in front of an audience to remind you why you’re alive.” Even now, just thinking about performing sent adrenaline surging through my veins. No matter how sick or exhausted I got on the road, seeing that crowd out there waiting never failed to get me pumped. “The kicker is, I love playing so much, I’d do it for free. But don’t tell anyone.”

We both laughed. Jase slumped against the cushions, resting his glass on his chest. I watched, half-mesmerized, as it rose and fell with every breath he took. “Can I, um... ask you a personal question?”

I instinctively stiffened, then said, “Go ahead.”

“How come you’ve never recorded ‘Forth Into Light’?”

Not what I expected, but it still made me smile. “That’s not very personal.”

“Sure it is. You play it in your acoustic set practically every night, and you change the lyrics every time. Is it one of those songs that never stops evolving, or”—he waved his hand around, like he was trying to pluck the right words out of the air—“is it too close to your heart to let go of?”

All this insight from a guy who’d been silently watching my back the past few weeks. The man was a philosopher, and I hadn’t a fucking clue. “It’s a work in progress. I’ve been toying with it for a couple of years now. I still can’t get the bridge or the last verse right.”

“Takes that long, huh?”

“Sometimes.” But there was another reason too. “It’s my favorite of all the songs I’ve written. I can’t... no, I won’t let Millennium turn it into a fucking product.”

“It’s my favorite too,” Jase said softly. A jolt of pure lightning jagged through me as his fingers closed over mine. Strong, supple fingers with tiny hard calluses at the tips—the mark of a guitarist. A damn good one, too—those wailing riffs on his EP nearly scorched my eardrums. He set down his drink and looked at me.

Bad idea. He’s an employee, for Christ’s sake. Laugh it off and show him the door.

Or—oh, fuck it.

I leaned closer, sliding my hands over his shirt and the warm, firm muscles rippling underneath. The pulse in his throat thrummed, his stubble prickling my fingertips. And God, that mouth, those lips, parting just for me—

Something buzzed, vibrating against my hip.

My fucking phone.

With a call from Milo flashing on the display.

I hit the ‘answer’ button. “What?”

“Jordan, you’ve gotta believe me, I only left the room for a couple minutes. I thought Daniel was asleep, so—”

“What’re you talking about?” But my plummeting stomach already knew. I only ever heard that scared, frantic tone in Milo’s voice when something truly heinous hit the fan. “Is he—”

“Gone. He locked me in the bedroom and took off. I called hotel security, but…”

They wouldn’t find him. Daniel’d had plenty of practice giving security the slip. He’d be back when he ran out of money, coked to the fucking gills and with half the city’s police force gunning for him.

No, not again. Not if I had anything to say about it.



Chapter Two

Jase

“Fucking idiot,” Jordan muttered, and started for the door. “Daniel’s gone.”

I grabbed his arm before he could get past me.

He stopped, blinking. “What the—”

“You stay here.” I loosened my grip but didn’t let go. “I’ll find him.”

Jordan shook his head and pulled away. “I know him. I’ll find him.”

“And everyone in the city knows who you are.” I locked eyes with him. “Guy like him won’t be hard to find. He’s a junkie.”

Fury flashed in his eyes. His lips peeled back across his teeth as he snarled, “You have no idea what—”

“You want me to go find him?” I snapped. “Or do you want to argue about whether he qualifies as a junkie?”

Jordan broke eye contact, and his shoulders slumped a little as if I’d just hurt him. Maybe I had. Those two had been friends since the dawn of time, and regardless of what it did to their music career, it had to be hell watching Daniel slowly self-destruct.

“You’re too easy to recognize,” I said gently. “No one knows who I am.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “Jordan.” When he met my eyes, I said, “I’ll find him.”

Breaking eye contact again, he nodded. “All right. Go.”

There’d be time to pick up where we’d left off—had I really made a move on Jordan Kane?—and maybe figure out what the fuck we’d been doing, but priority one right now was Daniel.

Jordan gave me his room key so I’d be able to make it up to the penthouse when I came back. Without a word, he watched me go, and as soon as the elevator doors had closed behind me, my mind shifted to the task at hand. Though I was and always would be a musician, I’d also done time in the military, which was what had led me into private security after the band fell apart. When shit happened, that training kicked in, and I was on autopilot.

All the way down the tall building, I considered every possibility. Daniel had been high when we’d left the bar, but he’d been lucid. No doubt he’d gone off to score another hit. Money wasn’t an object, so he wouldn’t have to risk whatever cheap shit he could get his hands on out on the street, and in an unfamiliar town with no connections—I assumed—he’d take the easiest route. That is, find a place where similar-minded people congregated, and his drug du jour would be easy to acquire.

Which meant I needed to find someone who knew where those people congregated.

In the lobby, I went to the front desk. “I’m looking for my friend. He just left. Did you see him leave? Blond, maybe yay tall”—I held my hand up around my chin—“with a goatee? Leather—”

“You just missed him.” The desk clerk gestured at the entrance. “He took a cab maybe five minutes ago.”

“And I don’t suppose you heard him say where he was going?”

She shook her head.

“Shit,” I said under my breath. “All right, thanks.” I went outside and looked around. There were several cabs parked in front of the club across the street—the one Jordan hadn’t dared show his face in if he wanted to sleep in this place tonight—and just my luck, there was also a cop car cruising down the street.

I stepped up to the curb and flagged down the patrol vehicle. When the officer stopped and rolled down the passenger window, I rested a hand on the door and showed my ID from the security agency with the other. “I’m trying to track down a buddy of mine, and I think he’s going to try to score some blow. Any idea where he might go?”

The cop scrutinized my ID for a moment. “Your buddy got a preference? Coke? Meth?”

“I’m not a hundred percent sure what his thing is right now. He’s been into both. If I had to guess, probably…” I hesitated. “Probably meth.”

The cop nodded. He reached across the passenger seat and opened the door. “Get in. I’ll drop you off a block or so away from the club.”

“Thanks.” I got in, and he drove me into one of the sleazier parts of town. One of those graffiti-covered places where even I didn’t like walking alone, with or without the forty-five I kept under my jacket.

The cop pulled up next to the curb in front of a dry cleaner that had probably been closed since the 1970s. As the car came to a stop, he said, “There’s a club about one block that way.” He gestured down the road. “Shitty place, but if he wants a quick score in this town, that’s where he’ll find it.”

“Great. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Good luck.”

I got out of the car and headed toward the club. This was definitely the part of the city where someone would find cheap and easy blow. And it was a damned good thing Jordan hadn’t come out here. Even a junkie would recognize him, and if someone caught a picture of him in a place like that, all the rumors would start up again. The tabloids had finally given up their insistence that he was a closeted cokehead about a year ago, and they didn’t need anything to reignite that bullshit.

I gritted my teeth just thinking about that, and walked a little faster. I’d seen the tabloids well before I’d gotten this job, and they hadn’t really registered either way. But now Jordan was my responsibility.

And as I ran the tip of my tongue across my lower lip, searching for just a hint of that short-lived kiss from earlier, I tried to convince myself he was only my responsibility. Not my lover. Not my friend. My boss and my responsibility. Nothing more. As for the near-kiss? Well, I’d been the closest warm body after a stressful evening, and he’d probably fire me tomorrow for making a pass at him anyway. Not that he’d exactly objected to it.

Not that any of that mattered if I didn’t come back to the penthouse with Daniel.  Jordan’s temper was legendary, and from what I’d heard, he wasn’t above firing everyone within earshot if someone pushed him far enough. More often than not, that someone was Daniel.

I stopped in front of the club. The cop was right. Between the passed out drunks on the sidewalk, the vomit in the gutter, and some all too familiar scents in the air, this was probably little more than a crackhouse with a deejay.

I tugged at my jacket to make extra certain my weapon was concealed, and then headed in.

A huge bouncer stood in front of the door. “Cover’s fifteen.”

Shit. I had no cash.

I gestured for the guy to lean in so he could hear me over the music. “Listen, I’m not here to party. I need to find someone before he gets into trouble.”

The bouncer shook his head and didn’t move. “Can’t help you, man. Still gotta pay the cover.”

I glared up at him. “You can let me in, or you can let the cops in.” I held up my cell phone. “Your call.”

His lips tightened. Then he stood aside. “Ten minutes. You stay in there a second longer, I’m coming in to—”

I was already through the door and didn’t hear the end of the threat. Whatever. Ten minutes, half hour, however long it took, I wasn’t leaving here without Daniel.

I put in some earplugs just like I always did at the shows, and continued through the club. Though I was used to bright lights and loud music, I wasn’t usually this wound up and I definitely wasn’t usually trying to find someone in all the chaos. The flickering lights fucked with my eyes, and the thumping bass smacked the insides of my skull as I searched for Daniel in the crowd.

Faces came in and out of focus. Male. Female. They all blurred together, the lights and movement making it impossible to tell one from the next. Panic simmered beneath my skin—what if I couldn’t find him? Jordan hadn’t fired me over the cab incident, but I doubted he’d be so forgiving if I came back without his best friend in tow.

The “song” blasting through the speakers changed. The new rhythm jarred me, confusing both my thoughts and my pulse. Everyone moved in time with this one, and the lights changed color, drenching people in pink and purple instead of blue and green. 

Get it together, Jase. I was used to environments like this, damn it. But being lost in this crowd and trying to find someone in it were two entirely different things. And there was that fear in the back of my mind that this wasn’t the right place. That he was in a back alley somewhere, surreptitiously swapping cash for powder. Or that he’d found some shady backwoods motel and was already wasted.

No, this was the place. It had to be. This was Daniel’s scene. Music, drugs, flashing lights, women—this was the flame for a moth like him. This was his fucking bonfire.

Shouldering my way through the crowd, I edged toward the hallway between the two bars. If any transactions went on here, they were probably—

There.

Propped up by a wall and two barely dressed girls, his distinctive leather jacket gave him away. Places like this were too hot for jackets like that, but the huge embroidered No Rules insignia on the back got him the attention he craved as much as the dope.

Relieved that I’d found him and worried sick that I was a little too late, I worked my way toward him. He shifted his weight, and nearly collapsed, grabbing onto one of the girls and laughing hysterically. God, he was all kinds of fucked up.  He’d been high when he’d left, but now, he was an overdose waiting to happen. The sweat on his forehead gleamed in the flickering lights, and his hair was visibly damp. His gestures were big and imprecise, nearly knocking a Solo cup out of one girl’s hand.

When I finally made it through the crowd, I grabbed his arm and pried it off the brunette’s waist.

“Excuse you,” she snapped.

“It’s time for him to go.”

Daniel’s head lolled toward me, and when he looked up at me, he grinned deliriously. “Hey, Greg. You made it.” He gestured at the girls. “Tell ‘em I ain’t lying ‘bout who I am.” Definitely wasted—he didn’t even know who I was. Hell, he probably didn’t know who he was.

“Yeah, yeah.” I put my arm around his waist. “Party’s over. Let’s get out of here.”

“Hey, wait!” One of the girls glared at me. “We were talking to him.”

“Hope you enjoyed it,” I grumbled. “Come on, let’s go.”

Daniel slumped against me. He tried feebly to fight me, but I was stronger than him even when he wasn’t fucked up.

The other girl staggered a little and grabbed her friend for balance. “So is it true he’s Daniel Barrett? Do you know Jordan Kane?”

“No.” I adjusted Daniel’s arm around my shoulders. “He’s just too fucked up to know who he is.”

They both pouted and sauntered back into the crowd.

“You sumbitch.” He tried and failed to push me off him. “I was going to—”

The music drowned him out, and I wasn’t listening to him anyway. Whatever he said, it was the drugs talking, and I didn’t want to hear it, so I just focused on dragging his ass through the thick crowd toward the front door.

Outside, ignoring both him and the bouncer—who insisted I’d overstayed my ten minutes—I hauled Daniel down the road to one of the main thoroughfares.  There, I flagged down a cab and dumped him unceremoniously into the backseat. He mumbled something and tried to fight me, but he was high and I had a good thirty pounds on him, so he didn’t win.

I directed the driver to the hotel as I took out my phone. The driver muttered an affirmative and pulled into the road.

I texted Jordan: On our way back.

Hopefully that was enough to calm him down. Though once he saw Daniel, he’d probably flip out again. Couldn’t say I blamed him. A musician’s career was precarious enough without a junkie on board. People had been after Jordan for years to quietly replace Daniel and move on, but he refused. The band was Daniel’s life just like it was Jordan’s, and he wasn’t going to take that from him.  At this rate, he might strangle him, though…

My phone buzzed.

How is he?

Daniel slurred something I didn’t understand, and slumped against the door. His breathing was still fairly even, though he was delirious and sweating profusely. He looked a little pale too.

“Hey, man,” the cabbie said. “He okay?”

I nodded, eyes still fixed on Daniel. “He’ll be fine. Just needs to sleep it off.” I hope. With anyone else, I’d have gone straight to the hospital just to be sure.

I finally messaged Jordan back, High as a kite, but I think he’s okay. After a moment, I added, Should I take him to get checked out?

My phone stayed silent for almost a minute. Then, Is he lucid?

I looked at Daniel. His eyes were open, if a bit glassy, and he stared out the window. “Hey, Daniel.” When he turned his head toward me, I said, “How’re you feeling?”

His glassy-eyed gaze turned into a glare. Facing out the window again, he muttered, “Fuck you.”

He’s lucid, I wrote back. Sort of.

Bring him home. I’ll have Milo keep an eye on him.

Will do.

As the cab took us from the shitty part of town to a slightly safer-looking area, I relaxed a little more about Daniel’s condition. The less I had to worry about him, the more my thoughts drifted back to the moment before Jordan’s phone had come to life and killed the mood.

We’d stayed rigidly professional prior to tonight. I was the bodyguard, he was the client, and that was that, no matter how much I’d admired him as a musician and lusted after him as a man prior to getting this gig. I had no idea what I’d been thinking tonight. Maybe I was just relieved he hadn’t lost his shit over the bar mix-up, or maybe I’d just let myself get carried away because I was suddenly behind closed doors with him even though it was hardly the first time we’d been alone like that. Or I thought I might have a shot since it wasn’t exactly below Jordan to sleep with men on his payroll. Some might’ve even called it a habit. One that didn’t usually bode well for continued employment by his paramours.

Fuck if I knew what had possessed me to do it.

But I’d made a move, and then…

Jesus Christ.

Did Jordan Kane really try to kiss me? Really?

And how far would it have gone if his phone hadn’t suddenly interrupted us?

If the rumors about Jordan were true, we’d have gone far. Insanely far. The odd ex-lover had made comments alluding to the man being insatiable and incredibly kinky. They said he liked pain. An ex-girlfriend of his had spilled to a tabloid that he liked having her choke him in bed. Not just a little roughness involving a hand on the throat either—he wanted to be choked until he blacked out. She claimed it freaked her out, but she’d also stayed with him for two and a half years, and from what she said, this had started early in their relationship.

If it freaked you out that much, sweetheart, I don’t think you’d have stuck around.

Much as it creeped me out that the gossip rags insisted on publishing that kind of thing about people, I couldn’t deny I’d been intrigued by that article. By what it might be like to be the one with my hands around Jordan’s neck. Even now, I couldn’t help closing my fingers into tight fists just thinking about that. I’d been hot for Jordan for years, long before I’d met him or started working for him, and knowing he was as kinky as I was drove me insane.

God, I could only imagine what we’d have been doing right then if I hadn’t had to dart out into the night and chase down…

My gaze slid toward Daniel.

Oblivious to me or my you cock-blocking son of a bitch thoughts, he murmured something, but then he was quiet. His eyes were closed, and he still slumped against the door, face pressed against the glass. Whatever he was on, he must’ve been coming down off the high. At least he wouldn’t fight me once we got back to the hotel.

The hotel, which was now in sight.

I texted Jordan: Just getting to the hotel. Be there shortly.

The cabbie stopped, and after I’d paid him—thank God he took plastic—I dragged Daniel out onto the pavement. He wasn’t fighting me, fortunately, but his legs were almost useless. Arm slung over my shoulders, the man was dead weight against my side as I led him into the lobby.

The desk clerk did a double take, eyes wide. “Is he all right? Do you—”

“He’s fine.” I forced a smile. “Just partied too hard. He’ll feel like shit in the morning, but he’ll be fine.” I hope.

She relaxed a little, but still watched us with a concerned expression as we headed toward the elevator.

Inside the elevator, I pressed Daniel against the wall with my hip so he wouldn’t fall, and dug the card key out of my pocket. I put it into the reader, and when the light turned green, pressed the button for the penthouse.

As the elevator lurched upward, I pocketed the key and adjusted Daniel for the twelfth time so he’d stay upright.

Jordan was waiting when the elevator doors opened. Given that legendary temper—he wasn’t quite a diva, but definitely a force to be reckoned with when someone crossed him—I fully expected him to rip into Daniel the second he saw us.

He didn’t, though.

He stood off to the side, arms folded loosely over his T-shirt, expression blank as he watched Milo and me escort—more like drag—Daniel to their suite.

Once we were through the door, Milo took over, letting Daniel hang on him. Unlike me, Milo was quite a bit smaller than the drugged-up guitarist, and struggled under his weight, but before I could step in and help again, he managed to get Daniel to the huge sofa. With a groan—whose, I had no idea—they both dropped onto the cushions.

Milo stood, straightening his shirt while Daniel melted across the couch.

“Is he going to be okay?” I asked.

“He’ll be fine.” Jordan glanced at me, but then returned his gaze to his semiconscious friend. “As long as he doesn’t try to get out and score another hit, he’ll just sleep it off and be fine tomorrow.”

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Milo said to Jordan. “He’s not going anywhere.”

Jordan nodded, gaze still fixed on Daniel. “I don’t think he’s going anywhere any time soon. But, yeah, don’t let him out of your sight.” He made a tired, almost dismissive gesture at his wasted friend. “He can come out of that and be ready to go again in no time flat.”

Milo sighed. “Believe me, I know.”

I glanced back and forth between them as they silently watched Daniel. I had more experience with junkies than I cared to think about, and knew all too well what it felt like to be as exhausted as Milo and Jordan looked.

To Milo, Jordan said, “If you need a hand with him, you know where to find me.”

“I’ll manage.” Milo was looking at Daniel. “Now that he’s had his fix, he’ll probably just sleep.”

“Yeah, probably.”

Milo turned to Jordan. “Get some sleep, man. I’ve got this.”

Any other night, I’d have expected Jordan to insist on sticking around, but his shoulders and eyelids seemed to get heavier by the second. Nodding, he said, “All right. Call or bang on the door if you need something.”

“Will do.”

Jordan and I left the suite and stepped out into the hall. On his way across to his own suite, he released a long breath. Just pulling the card key out of his pocket seemed to take everything he had. The man had been nothing but barely contained energy earlier, but now he looked like he was ready to collapse under his own weight.

At the door, he faced me. “Thank you, Jase. I don’t know how the hell you found him, but…”

“Don’t worry about it.” I cleared my throat. “Anyway, I should let you sleep. I’ll, uh”—I gestured at the elevator—“head down to my room.”

“You don’t have to leave.” He came closer. “I was, um, kind of hoping you’d stay, actually.”

That kiss seemed like it had happened years ago instead of earlier this evening, but now it felt fresh on my lips, tingling like he’d just pulled back.

I gulped. “Even after, uh…” I waved a hand toward Milo and Daniel’s room.

Jordan exhaled. “Especially after all that.”

And before I could form another coherent thought, he kissed me.

Again.

EXCERPT: Take It Off

Title: Take It Off
Author: Aleksandr Voinov, L.A. Witt
Publisher: Riptide Publishing
Format: ebook, paperback

Excerpt:

Tristan was bored.
At least business had been steadier lately at Market Garden, ever since the Christmas lull had ended. Apparently the wealthy elite had placated all the annual demands for gifts and family time, and could now spare money and evenings for expensive rentboys. Great for the wallet, but as far as Tristan was concerned, the only thing worse than no john was the same john every bloody night. Well, not the exact same guy. Just an endless stream of clones coming through the black curtain in search of a night’s entertainment. Every one of them wanted the same thing, and they all grinned and smirked like they were the first mugs ever to ask a rentboy to suck a cock or bend over. Yawn.
“I could use a refill.” Jared held up his empty glass. “You?”
Tristan looked into his own glass and realised he was almost to the bottom. “Sure. I’ll pick up the next one.” The drinks were free, but he and Jared took turns fighting the crowd to the bar for refills.
“Sounds good.” Jared slid out of the booth and headed for the bar.
Tristan watched him, and couldn’t help grinning. There was a sexy little strut in Jared’s step these days. Ever since the two of them had started working together and double-teaming johns, Jared had gained some much-needed confidence, and it showed. God, but he was both cute and mouth-watering, and that gorgeous little arse in those tight leather trousers was icing on the cake. He even flirted shamelessly with Raoul and the other bartenders now.
Johns and rentboys alike glanced at Jared, checking out his lithe body in all that gorgeous, tight leather. As Tristan watched them watch Jared, both pride and a hint of jealousy swelled in his chest.
Look all you want, lads. I get to fuck him.
Tristan shivered at the thought. Even if it was only for the sake of performing for their johns and making a few hundred quid, he enjoyed the hell out of being with Jared. With a body like that and a mouth that talented, who wouldn’t? Even if they didn’t know Jared was also sweet, funny, smart . . .
Jared came back a moment later, drinks in hand, and slid into the booth beside Tristan.
“Thanks,” Tristan said.
“Don’t mention it.”
Tristan slid his hand over Jared’s leather-clad thigh under the table in their shadowy booth. At least things had been more interesting since they’d started working together. Fucking a john while Jared watched, or—even better—fucking Jared while the john watched, that kept his interest. Most of the time, anyway. Lately, even that was getting repetitive.
Or rather, frustrating. They had to concentrate on pleasing their paying clients, and those clients nearly always wanted to get involved in more ways than just sitting back and watching, which meant Tristan never could focus exclusively on Jared. The more they did this, the more he wanted to do exactly that. What he wouldn’t have given to get Jared alone for a little while, away from the distraction and interference of the guys who kept their wallets nice and fat. The uptight kid had relaxed a lot recently. He’d been inching out of his shell ever since they’d partnered up, and Tristan wanted to know what else Jared had up his sleeve.
Except the more Jared came into his own, the less interested he seemed in Tristan. Lately, it’d been strictly business for him. A performance he could have put on with any other rentboy. He’d even gone back to taking a lot of johns on his own. As more men turned Jared’s head, Tristan desperately wanted to work up the nerve to suggest skipping out of work and spending a little time in his flat, doing what they wanted rather than what someone else wanted them to do. Jared seemed to enjoy working with him, but how would he feel about sleeping with Tristan for free? Or even just hanging out and having a conversation that didn’t include keeping an eye on the door for would-be clients? Tristan could’ve sworn there’d been a little crush going on in the beginning, and now he was kicking himself for not making his move before Jared’s interest in him cooled in favour of johns and money.
“You boys look bored.” Nick, one of the kinkier rentboys, appeared beside their booth with a characteristic smirk on his thin lips. “Slow night?”
“Night’s still young.” Tristan sipped his soft drink. “What about you?”
Nick shrugged, the gesture extra flippant in true Nick style. “Just waiting for a worthwhile victim to show up.” He shifted his always-predatory gaze towards Jared. “You sure you don’t want to play with some of the kinky customers?”
Tristan slid his hand further over Jared’s leg.
“I don’t know,” Jared said. “I’m having a pretty good time with the ones I get.”
Another shrug. “Suit yourself. But if you ever change your mind . . .”
“I’ll give it some thought.” Jared sounded sincere. Genuinely interested, not just being polite.
Nick grinned. Tristan said nothing, just ran his thumb back and forth over the inseam of Jared’s trousers. Funny, Jared used to squirm under Tristan’s touch, but now it was as routine as flirting with potential clients. Something to entice johns and establish that Jared and Tristan worked together with no implications that they were together.
Nick glanced at the door, and straightened. “Oh. Looks like tonight’s paycheque just arrived. I’ll talk to you guys later.” With that, he was gone.
“Think we’ll ever get a client like one of his?” Jared asked.
“You never know.”
“Could be fun.” Jared played with his straw. “Good money, too.”
“It could.” Jealousy flared in Tristan’s chest. He wasn’t into the same things Nick was. The bondage, the pain play, it was all fine and good, but it wasn’t his thing. He liked the power games, just not the implements and bloodshed. He hadn’t thought Jared was into that kind of thing either, but everyone knew Nick made a killing servicing the kinkier johns. There was nothing stopping Jared from partnering up with him and getting in on that action.
How the hell do I tell him I want him for myself?
“Hey.” Jared leaned closer, lips brushing Tristan’s ear. “You remember that guy who paid us to fool around while he watched? The first time, I mean?”
Tristan shivered and squeezed Jared’s leg. “How could I forget?”
“Yeah, well.” Jared tilted his head towards the door. “Look who just walked in.”
Tristan turned his head.
Well, fuck me.
There he was. Suited and booted, looking like he owned the place, flashy gold watch peeking out from the end of an expensively tailored suit.
Rolex. We meet again.
And he was coming right towards them, too.
“Looks like we might be making some money tonight,” Jared said with a grin.
Is that opportunity I hear knocking? Tristan ran his hand higher up Jared’s leg. “Hope he stopped at the bank on his way here.”
Rolex strolled up to their table. He gave Jared a long look, then Tristan. “I was hoping you boys would be here tonight.”
“We are.” Tristan offered a toothy grin. “And you found us. Now what are you going to do with us?”
Rolex seemed to think on it for a moment, as if thrown off his stride, then grinned. “Oh, I’ve got a little fantasy in mind.”
“How kinky are we talking?” Tristan asked. “The place has specialists for the weirder shit.” His teeth snapped shut. Best not to give Rolex—or Jared—any ideas that might subtract Tristan from the night’s equation.
Rolex glanced around. “Nothing weird. You guys know I like to watch.” He leaned closer, flattening his palms on the table. “And give some orders along the way.”
“Orders, eh?” Tristan flashed him a wide grin, and Rolex laughed, clearly picking up the challenge. Tristan reached for his drink. “It’s a rematch, then?”
Rolex pushed his tongue against his teeth. “Yeah. In a manner of speaking.”
Tristan was intrigued enough that he glanced at Jared, picking up the nod there. It might not be just watching, but by now they’d had enough experience to play basically any john who entered the Garden by ear. Oddly, two against one wasn’t fair—even if the other guy called the shots. Totally different to play this game as a team. And they were a bloody good team, especially when paired up with a john as hands-off as Rolex.
“You ready to spend some money?” Tristan asked. You ready to watch me seduce him for real?
Rolex didn’t flinch. “I think I’m over my sticker shock from the last time.”
“Good. Let’s go.”


EXCERPT: If It Fornicates

Title: If It Fornicates
Author: Aleksandr Voinov, L.A. Witt
Publisher: Riptide Publishing
Format: ebook

Excerpt:

Chapter One
“Oh, ow, that stings,” Richard hissed. His welt-covered back flinched away from Nick’s touch.
“I know it does.” Nick kept his voice gentle. “Just relax. It’ll help.” He continued smoothing lotion onto the sub’s scourged flesh.
Richard didn’t quite relax. He was still new at this, still hadn’t gotten used to that burn in his skin when he started coming out of subspace and his nerve endings remembered what they did for a living.
“Is that really necessary?”
“It is if you want to be able to wear a shirt or lean on anything tomorrow, yes.” Nick capped the lotion bottle and put it aside. Then he set his hands—lightly, of course—on the lotion-slicked skin, and made more smooth, gentle circles over the welts. He grinned over his handiwork; he always did love the cool patterns a cat-o’-nine-tails left on a sub’s back. Made his masochistic clients so much more fun and interesting than the regular “fuck me and I’ll pay you” johns.
His grin faded, and he kept rubbing the lotion on, but with less enthusiasm. His muscles ached a little from swinging the flogger, but mostly he was just tired. That kind of bone-deep tired that hit the mind harder than the body. Less like he’d fucked a businessman this afternoon and flogged Richard this evening, and more like he’d just spent days on end studying for an exam he couldn’t afford to fail. “Friday night at five” tired.
Just need a couple of nights off, that’s all.
“How do you feel?” he asked Richard.
“Good.” Fatigue weighed down the sub’s voice. “Feel good.”
“Doesn’t sting anymore?”
“A little. Isn’t bad.”
Nick smiled. Richard had come back down from subspace, returned to terra firma, and now was hitting that lethargic state that would eventually knock him out for the rest of the night. Mission accomplished.
Once Richard was all right for the evening, Nick took the folded bills off the bureau—they’d learned after the first or second night to have the money ready to go because Richard would be asleep before Nick left—and called a cab. He checked one last time to make sure Richard was in a good state, and then he was gone.
The night was cool, especially for someone wearing no shirt under a leather jacket, but the shock of evening air on bare skin helped centre Nick and return him to the real world while he waited for his cab.
He could have sworn there’d been a time when he was flying high after he left clients’ houses. He distinctly remembered feeling like he could take on the world, like he could move a mountain with nothing more than a glance. Maybe he was just burned out now. Who knew? But the last few times he’d stepped outside to wait for his ride, he’d felt a dull heaviness in the pit of his stomach. One he couldn’t quite explain.
He glanced back at Richard’s terraced house. His lack of enthusiasm was weird because this was one of the clients he actually liked, although he didn’t really know him. He didn’t even know if Richard was the guy’s real name. Most of his clients gave him fake names. Nick gave them his real one. He liked the in-your-face quality of it, the ballsiness of saying, “Yeah, my name is Nick, and I fuck men for a living.”
There was really nothing to be ashamed of. As far as some people were concerned, just being gay meant he fucked everything and everyone. Taking money for it was just the icing on the cake. The job suited him just fine. Or at least it had until recently.
The cab pulled up and Nick slipped into the back just as his mobile started buzzing in his pocket.
“Hang on a sec,” he told the driver, and pulled the phone out of his pocket.
Want to come by? I have roast chicken.
Spencer.
He had a sixth sense for timing, that guy. The prospect of roast chicken sounded great, especially when the alternative was collapsing in front of the TV for another two hours before he rolled into bed. And an evening with Spencer—a late night dinner followed by anything Nick wanted—was always tempting.
But Nick hesitated. He’d been doing that lately, ever since that night a couple of weeks ago when he hadn’t taken Spencer’s money. The night things had changed. Their relationship was on weird footing now, footing Nick hadn’t quite adapted to yet, and he caught himself hesitating like this every time he considered going over there. Of course he always went—over the last couple of weeks, he’d been at Spencer’s house every night he hadn’t stayed with a client—but the momentary hemming and hawing kept happening.
A second text came through: No strings attached. Just help me vanquish this bird.
Vanquish. Well, all right then . . .
Nick gave the driver Spencer’s address. After three months and a little, he didn’t have to check it anymore on the phone.
On my way, he texted back. They tended to text rather than speak on the phone—all romantic and clandestine, but the relationship was still very much up in the air. They were still settling into things.
It’ll work out, he reminded himself for the millionth time. He’d got used to being a prostitute. He could get used to being someone’s boyfriend.
En route to Spencer’s, Nick checked his emails. He’d recently set up a website and that thing needed work. For whatever reason, it attracted way too much spam. He also needed to get some professional photos. Maybe if he pushed harder into the D/s side of things, he could start his own studio and hire a couple people for the grunt work.
But that means you’ll be a fully professional, full-time whore.
Being unashamed of something and being stuck doing it forever were two very different things.
In front of Spencer’s house, Nick paid the cabbie, tipping well as usual, grabbed his bag, and stepped out.
Before Nick had even reached the front door, Spencer opened it, looking gorgeous in jeans and a dark red cashmere sweater, barely protected by an apron. He grinned wide as if Nick were the guy from the National Lottery. “Come on in.”
“Cheers.” Nick slid in and Spencer closed the door behind them.
The house smelled of rosemary and roasting bird. After the dark outside, the warm light squeezed oddly against his heart, and Nick dropped his bag beside the door.
“Glad you could make it.” Spencer’s hand was warm as he slid it beneath Nick’s jacket onto his bare waist.
“Thanks for the invite.” Nick drew Spencer down for a quick kiss that turned into a long one. They wrapped their arms around each other, Spencer’s sweater soft against Nick’s skin wherever the apron didn’t get in the way. Sometimes after he’d been with a client, the last thing Nick wanted was to be touched, but Spencer’s hands and his embrace and his tender kiss were exactly what he needed right then. An entire bottle of wine couldn’t relax Nick the way this did.
They separated, and when Nick swept the tip of his tongue across his lip, Spencer shivered. Then he let Nick go and gestured down the hall. “I should check on the bird. Come on in.”
“After you.”
In the kitchen, Nick leaned against one of the work surfaces.
“Tea?” Spencer asked after he’d checked on the chicken.
“Please.”
This was all so oddly domestic: Spencer pouring tea into a pair of matching mugs, offering cream and sugar, and the two of them quietly sipping it in the fragrant kitchen. If someone had peered in through a window, they might have mistaken the two of them for a respectable couple instead of a corporate lawyer and his prostitute boyfriend. With that gentle kiss still tingling on his lips, Nick might have made that mistake himself, and he didn’t know quite what to make of that.
He put down his mug. “You didn’t roast that bird yourself, did you?”
“I did. Stopped at Smithfield Market, came face-to-face, well, in a manner of speaking, with the biggest chicken I’ve ever seen. The butcher said it’s a capon. A castrated chicken. Told me how to cook it, too, but it took quite a while longer than he indicated.”
“Ahh,” Nick said. “That explains why it’s just about ready at this hour.”
Spencer laughed. “Tell me about it. I didn’t set out to eat at”—he glanced at the microwave clock—“ten thirty at night.” His laugh turned into a gentle smile. “But I’d say it worked out. Meant we could have a proper dinner together.”
“So we can.” Damn, but these fuzzy, romantic feelings were alien to Nick. He cleared his throat. “I, um, didn’t know you cooked. It’s been all restaurant deliveries so far.”
“Shoving some oranges and limes up a dead bird’s bottom and throwing him in an oven isn’t cooking,” Spencer insisted. “I was just . . . in the mood.”
Nick smiled and crossed his arms. “Next thing I know, you’ll bake gingerbread cookies.”
Spencer laughed again. Then he nodded at Nick’s chest, which was bare under his leather jacket. “Want a shirt?”
Hmm. Interesting. An attempt at domesticity. But having dinner half-naked might just be a bit weird.
“I probably should.” Nick uncrossed his arms. “But nothing of yours is going to fit me.”
“Just a sec.” Spencer rushed off, and Nick exhaled. Damn, nothing about this was as awkward or unnatural as he kept convincing himself it should be. He pulled down the zip and slipped out of his jacket, then hung that up in the corridor. The kitchen was plenty warm with the roast going.
“Here.” Spencer came back with a slinky running top in black that wouldn’t hang off him like he was trying on an older brother’s clothes. Nick pulled it on, gratified that Spencer stole a long glance at his chest.
“Thanks,” Nick said, and picked up his tea mug again.
Spencer watched him for a moment. “Long day?”
“Do I look it?”
“A bit.”
Nick clasped his hands and stretched his arms out, trying to release some of the tension in his shoulders. “Why do I feel like I just put in a week at your job?”
Spencer laughed. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t even know, really.” Nick rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Just exhausted. And it’s less physical than mental. Which is weird.”
“Huh. That’s kind of—here, turn around.”
Nick eyed him. “What?”
Spencer gestured for him to do as he was told. Odd, the sub ordering the Dom, but right about then, Nick didn’t care about playing games. And besides, they weren’t in the bedroom. Equal footing out here in the kitchen between an oven full of roasting bird and a table set for two.
So he turned around.
Spencer’s hands materialized on his shoulders. He pressed his fingers and thumbs in, and Nick closed his eyes as Spencer kneaded the exhausted muscles.
“You okay?” Spencer asked. “You are really, really tense.”
Nick wanted to answer automatically with “I’m fine” or “I’m just tired,” but Spencer’s hands were like tactile truth serum. Gentle but firm pressure that completely destroyed Nick’s resolve—and maybe his ability—to bullshit his way out from under the conversation.
He exhaled, tilting his head forward so Spencer had more access to his neck. “I don’t know what it is. The last couple of weeks or so, I’ve just . . .” What? Approached everything, especially my job, with all the enthusiasm of a kid opening up a pack of socks and underwear on Christmas? He sighed and shook his head. “Maybe I just need a holiday.”
“You just took one a few weeks ago.”
Nick stiffened. Right. That “holiday to Spain” he’d supposedly taken. Guilt clawed at him; he still hadn’t been entirely truthful to Spencer about that. He cleared his throat. “I don’t think it was enough. Maybe I, um, need another.”
“Maybe you do.” Spencer’s hands slowly climbed Nick’s neck, sliding under his longish hair in search of the tension Nick obviously couldn’t keep hidden from him. “You’ve got a physically demanding job.”
“I’ve had a physically demanding job for a long . . . ooh.” He shivered as Spencer’s thumb pressed into a particularly tense spot.
“That hurt?”
“Yes,” he said through his teeth. “But keep doing it.” Man, he really was tense. He hated the feeling of someone massaging out a particularly knotted muscle, hated that persistent pain as muscle fought fingers before finally giving in and relaxing. Right now, though, that obnoxious sharp pain was the promise of relief, so he pressed back, pushing against Spencer’s fingers even though his eyes watered.
After some work on Spencer’s part and swearing on Nick’s, the muscle gave. The pain faded to a dull ache, and Spencer worked his way back down to Nick’s shoulders.
“Anyway.” Nick released a breath. He carefully tilted his newly relaxed neck to one side, then the other. “It’s not like I’m new to this job. After all this time, you’d think I’d be used to it.”
“Maybe you’re burned out.”
“I don’t know.” Nick had studied burnout in-depth at university, but was that what this was? He sighed. “I don’t know what it is. Like I said, it’s not my body that’s tired.” Nick turned his head as far as he could, just enough to bring Spencer into his peripheral vision. “That’s what I meant when I said it felt like I’d been at your job all day.”
“Brain stuffed with wet wool?”
Nick laughed, facing forward again. “Yeah. Exactly. I mean, maybe it is burnout. I just . . .” Feel like there’s more to it than that? Maybe he was overthinking it. Trying to self-diagnose something strange and obscure like every psych student eventually did.
He closed his eyes and enjoyed Spencer’s magic hands as they travelled down his back. Spencer’s thumbs pressed in on either side of his spine, and his fingers kneaded the outer muscles until they relaxed. Nick completely lost track of time, and very nearly forgot where he was until Spencer stopped.
Rolling his relaxed shoulders, Nick turned again. “Fuck, you’re good at that.”
“Thanks.”
“Thank you.” Nick realised right then how close they were, but just when Nick thought a kiss was inevitable, Spencer stepped back. He had a good sense of physical space. Nick couldn’t remember a time when he’d ever crowded him. And the man was bigger and taller than he was.
“Well, let’s see what our dinner guest looks like now.” Spencer grabbed two oven mitts again and opened the oven. A waft of oily, citrusy, rosemary-scented heat escaped. He took hold of the roasting pan, lifted it out of the oven, and put it down on two slate plates.
Nick eyed the immense bird. “I think they sold you a goose.”
“Looks like it, doesn’t it?” Spencer stabbed the alleged chicken with a two-pronged fork and moved it onto a carving plate. In short order, he’d cut and carved the monster and put plenty of white meat on two plates with honey-roasted carrots and green salad. “I’ll just get the wine.”
Nick lifted an eyebrow. “You sure about the wine?”
“It’s a good bottle. Gift from a client who’s investing in wines.”
No sex, then? Or at least no games. “I’m not that tired,” Nick defended.
“What? Oh. Well, we . . . we don’t have to do anything tonight.”
“If I’ve had more than a little to drink, we can’t. Anything more than a glass.”
“That’s all right. Tomorrow?” A hint of strain in his voice suggested that he very much hoped it would be tomorrow. But Spencer wasn’t pushing for it. He wasn’t a needy sub manipulating his way to a beating or sex.
“Okay.” Nick grabbed the plates. “You deal with the wine.”
With the chicken served and the wine poured, they took their seats at the table. Spencer gestured at the food. “Please, by all means.”
Nick nodded. “Thanks.”
The chicken was surprisingly moist and tender. “If I’d known you were this good a cook,” he said, “I’d have suggested this sooner.”
Spencer smiled over the rim of his wineglass. “We’ll have to do it again, then.”
How . . . domestic. There was just no other word for it. This wasn’t the first meal they’d shared, but the first that seemed so homey and normal. And for that matter, the first time a meal together hadn’t explicitly served as foreplay of some description. Eating together for the sake of eating together.
Nevertheless, looking at Spencer meant seeing sex. Meant seeing that unconditional surrender, that sweetness in him that surfaced when he overcame the pain, his brain stewed and softened in nature’s hormone cocktail.
Nick swallowed a sip of wine. “How was your week?”
“Finally closed the big deal. Paperwork is all signed and done. I’m taking a little time off. Tomorrow and Monday.” He paused to slice off another bite of chicken. “At least that’s the plan.”
“Sounds like I’m not the only one who needs a holiday.”
Spencer looked down at his plate and sighed. “I’m not even sure that’s enough, to be quite honest.”
“What do you mean?”
“If I go on a holiday,” Spencer said dryly, “I still have to go back to the firm when it’s over.”
“I thought you liked your job.”
“I thought so too,” Spencer said, almost more to himself than to Nick.
“So you . . . don’t like being a lawyer?” Nick looked at him over the rim of his wineglass. “Isn’t that what you always wanted to do?”
“It is. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be a lawyer.” Spencer picked up his own wineglass, but just cradled it between his fingers. “I liked the idea of being one. But these days”—his gaze slid towards Nick, and his eyes echoed the exhaustion in his voice—“I’m not so sure I’m happy with the reality of it.”
“What don’t you like about it?”
“The hours, the stress, the office politics.” Spencer exhaled hard. “I’m still closeted at work because I’m afraid of the consequences if I come out.”
Nick quirked an eyebrow. “They can’t fire you for that, can they?”
“Not directly.” Bitterness laced the edge of Spencer’s tone. “But there are ways of persuading undesirable employees to seek employment elsewhere. Or put them on the chop list when there’s another round of downsizing.” He tilted his head to one side, then the other, as if some tension had crept up the back of his neck. “Sometimes I’m tempted to come out and just be done with it. I can’t imagine they can make me any more miserable than I already am.”
“Wow,” Nick said. “I hadn’t realised you hated it that much.”
“The actual job itself isn’t so bad. I enjoy what I do. It’s the atmosphere and everything else that comes with it that I hadn’t bargained for, you know? And it’ll be the same at any other firm, so I don’t . . .” He sighed and shook his head. “I really don’t know what to do.” He looked at Nick again, his expression mirroring the fatigue Nick felt. “You know my job is the whole reason I came to you in the first place?”
“It—” Nick paused, clearing his throat. He was amazed at how casually Spencer could bring Nick’s profession into a conversation, never seeming to bat an eye. “It is?”
“Percy convinced me I should give it a go.” Spencer sipped his wine, then put the glass down. “Said I was on a fast track to an ulcer and a heart attack, and I needed to blow off some steam. And what you did, it was . . . it was what I needed.” He smiled, and Nick returned it. The smile faded a little, and he added, “I feel better, and I’m happy with you, but the fact is I’m still on that fast track.”
Nick swallowed. “Have you thought about changing careers?”
“Seems like a waste of all the time and energy I spent getting this far.”
“Seems like an even bigger waste to me to spend your life doing something that makes you miserable.”
“Fair point.” Spencer cut off another piece of chicken.
Nick watched him for a moment. “Negotiating all that job stress and . . . me can’t have been easy. When we were still trying to figure things out, I mean.” And have we figured all those things out? “Sorry for adding to your pile.”
“No.” Spencer put down his fork and knife. “You’ve kept me sane, Nick. I was on the verge of burnout when we met. I still am, but you . . . gave me an outlet I didn’t even know existed. You helped recharge me.” He smiled. “Who knew pain was such a stress-buster?”
“It gives your body something to worry about besides the fight-or-flight adrenaline response.”
“Or office-related bollocks.”
Nick laughed. “That too.”
Spencer’s eyes lost focus. He slowly swirled his wineglass, but didn’t look at anything in particular, Nick included.
“Something wrong?” Nick asked.
The lack of focus remained for a moment, but then Spencer lifted his gaze and met Nick’s eyes. “Does this, what we’re doing, have anything to do with how you’re feeling?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re stressed and tired too. I mean, you’re a sex worker. And now we’re in a . . . I mean, we’re . . .”
“In a relationship.” Still felt so strange to say those words.
“Right.” Spencer stopped swirling the glass, but held onto it, like he needed some sort of concrete handle on the universe. “Does it bother you? What we’re doing along with your job?”
Nick’s normal knee-jerk response would have been to insist that their relationship had nothing to do with anything, but the words caught in his throat. Was it an issue? He’d been so relieved just to break the tension and be back in Spencer’s world after that long, silent gap that he hadn’t considered how all of this might affect him. Affect either of them, for that matter.
“If it’s an issue,” Spencer said quietly, “we don’t have to.”
Nick sipped from his glass and looked down at his plate as he rolled the dry wine around on his tongue. He swallowed it, wondering when his throat had gotten so tight. “Maybe it’s just an adjustment period.”
Spencer’s chair creaked, so Nick chanced a look. He’d leaned forward, resting his elbows beside his plate and loosely clasping his fingers together. “I don’t want to be a source of stress for you, though. You’ve done so much to reduce my stress, and I . . .” He shook his head. “I’m not doing that to you.”
Nick moistened his lips. “You’re not. But I’ve . . . Look, you and I are crossing some lines I’ve learned to be cautious about crossing. I haven’t had a boyfriend in ages, and getting involved with someone who started out as a client is particularly unnerving. It’s . . . it’s something I need to adapt to. Slowly. Figure out where the new lines are.” He paused. “Figure out where exactly this differs from all the other men who still pay me.”
He watched Spencer, waiting for the flinch, some indication that Spencer really didn’t like the idea of Nick having sex with other men, never mind for pay. But the flinch didn’t come. He just kept looking at Nick, calmly and quietly waiting for him to continue.
Nick took a breath. “I think we just—I just—need time to settle into this. That’s all.”
Spencer nodded. “I think we both do. I’m new at this too. I mean, I told you about my ex—the one who went to New York City and then claimed the time difference made everything impossible.”
“Mr Fall-Asleep-On-Papers-In-Bed.”
“Him.” Spencer smiled, but he didn’t seem wistful. He was over the guy, though maybe not over having been treated like that and having made such a dog’s dinner out of something that must have started out good and right and hopeful once upon a time. Always interesting how that first blush of love could turn to shit if you weren’t careful. “I’m thinking, as long as we talk about things, we’ll be fine.”
The offer was clearly on the table: Let’s talk.
“You’ve never had a relationship with a Dom, Spencer. Of course you’re out at sea. But this can be whatever we make it. I’ll make sure your needs are met, and you’ll meet mine.”
Spencer shivered—just a hint, and Nick wouldn’t even have noticed if he didn’t know that man so well. Something in Spencer’s expression changed, and the submissive crept in. The man who looked up to his Dom and needed him to be in control. They were far from Spencer’s bedroom, surrounded by everything domestic and eerily normal—by society’s standards, not Nick’s—and still, in the space of a comment and its subsequent, unspoken response, the power balance was shifting.
“I still have to make a living.” Nick put it out there mostly to gauge Spencer’s reaction.
Spencer nodded.
Really? Was Spencer really accepting it? And why? Obedience? Respect for lines Nick had drawn pretty much from day one? Tolerance? Resignation? He’d have to get underneath that and peel the façade away. It was the most likely weak point, the most natural breaking point.
“Are you really okay with what I do, Spencer?”
Spencer’s eyes lost focus for a moment, but then he nodded. “Yes. I am. What about you?”
Nick blinked. “What about me?”
“Are you okay with what you do?” Spencer cradled his wineglass between his fingers, and looked straight at Nick. “I mean, are you okay with your job alongside our relationship?”
“Of course I am,” Nick said quickly. “I’m maybe a bit burned out, but . . .”
Again, Spencer was quiet for a moment. “I think we need to acknowledge the fact that it’s unhealthy, the amount of stress on both of us right now, whether it’s because either of us needs to make a change in our professional lives or not.” Definitely the lawyer talking here, and he unflinchingly held Nick’s gaze. “I don’t want this”—he gestured at himself and then Nick—“to be the reason for that.”
Nick’s heart jumped. “Meaning?”
Spencer didn’t answer immediately. He took a deep breath, released it slowly, and only then did he say, “It means we need to take care of ourselves. And each other. And if it comes down to it, make some difficult decisions.”
The flutter of panic in Nick’s chest unsettled him; he didn’t like that feeling. That sense that he was rapidly losing control of a situation, which made him want to not just regain control, but grab it in a chokehold. He swallowed. “It’s way too early to be choosing between this and our jobs.”
Spencer nodded. “But sooner or later, something’s going to have to give, and I just think we ought to be aware of that.”
“Right,” Nick said with a nod. “As it stands right now, I don’t want to change a thing.” Especially this. Please, not this.
“Neither do I.” Spencer paused, still cradling his wineglass, and smiled a little. “I want to get rid of the stress, not the stress relief.” He winked, and laughed softly, which settled some of that fluttery feeling in Nick’s chest.
Nick managed a soft laugh himself. “I don’t want to change this either. We’ll . . . we’ll figure everything out.”
“I know. I just want to make sure it’s all out on the table. So we can figure it out together.”
“Agreed,” Nick said quietly. “And while we’re putting everything out on the table, I should mention that at times, I’ll have a bad day. Normally, I don’t really mingle right after a night like that. I need space when things go wrong. To regroup. It’s not to get away from you, though.”
Spencer nodded again. “Understood. That can happen in my job, too. And it doesn’t help that when things get intense in the office, I might not even come home. Hell, I have slept in my office some weekends.”
“I’ve heard stories like that. That’s fine. We both have demanding jobs.” Spencer traced the foot of his wineglass with a fingernail. “There’s no reason why this shouldn’t work, though. We manage . . . sexually.”
Not just manage. Sexually, they were hand in glove, Spencer so natural as his sub that Nick’s pulse sped up just thinking about that. Normal life, though? That was something entirely different.
“Well.” Nick drained his wineglass—there wasn’t much left by this point—and set it back on the table. “All we can do is take it one day at a time.”
A grin played at Spencer’s lips. “And the nights?”

Nick returned the grin. “If they ain’t broke . . .”